Starting to Heal – TToT #7

It is pretty amazing how much things can change in a week, my friends.  Not to say my life is suddenly grand and all of my worries have washed away with the Spring rain… But, I’ll take the two days (in a row I might add) that I’ve gone without crying and take that as a win, loves.

I met with my psychiatrist last week to go over the results of the DNA testing he had done.  I guess it’s a pretty new diagnostic tool in the world of psychiatry.  With a simple cheek swab they can tell you which psychotropic medications your body can metabolize and which ones it cannot.  In fact, it reveals quite a bit more information than just that and gives the doctor a guide (so to speak) as to which medications are more likely to work for individual patients.  I found out that I can’t metabolize folic acid, which controls dopamine in the body.  It wouldn’t even help if I took a folic acid vitamin because my body wouldn’t be able to metabolize that.  I have to take an even more broken down vitamin form of folic acid.  I also found out that I can’t metabolize any SSRI anti-depressant medications, which is an entire class of anti-depressants such as Prozac and Lexapro (both of which I was on for years (at separate times)).  The reason I have so much anxiety is because my body produces too much adrenaline.  Very interesting stuff here, people.  

I know not everyone points out their thankfuls, but I feel like all of the above might be a bit ambiguous and I think there are a few there so I’m going to explain…  I’m thankful that my psychiatrist is on the cutting edge of his profession and utilizing the latest methodologies to best serve his patients.  I’m thankful to know more about my body, to have a better understanding of how it works, and to know what is causing, at least, some of my illness (is that one or three?  I say three!).  I’m thankful that any medication my doctor prescribes henceforth has the best possible chance of successfully fighting my depression!

The result of the visit with my psychiatrist was indeed a pretty major medication change.  I knew it was coming, I’ve known for over a year that I needed it, but I have also been dreading it.  I realize that if you’ve never dealt with an illness such as Major Depressive Disorder (where medication changes occur, typically, many times over the years) it is almost impossible to understand where I’m coming from.  You will just have to trust me when I tell you that med changes are the WORST.  Today is day 4 of the new meds and I am starting to feel like a human being again.  The first two days all I did was cry and cry and cry.  I was angry with almost everyone, I was having suicidal ideations, I spent both days at my in-laws’ house because everyone was afraid I was going to harm myself (including myself).  For four nights now I have tossed and turned in a cold sweat, which makes Abbie a very unhappy camper (sleep is in my top ten favorite things ever).  Are you wondering yet where the thankful is in all this?!  Well, I *seem* to have gotten through the worst of it.  So hallelujah for that!

Yesterday was the best day I have had in months.  Which is kind of funny because parts of it were not great at all, well one part of it, but that’s been resolved so I’m not even going to think about it anymore.  I finally got my lazy, depressed, isolated self out of the house and to the beach!!!  And oh what a gorgeous day it was ::sigh:: 🙂 ❤ I put my earbuds in and walked THREE MILES!  I couldn’t tell you the last time I got that much exercise, which I am paying for today mind you, but it was SO worth it.  My husband works at a resort on the beach, it’s actually how and where we met but that’s a story for another time.  I will tell you, however, that I grew up coming to that same resort with my family every year for spring break (long before my husband worked there) so the place feels like a slice of home to me.  The image to the right is a shot I took from the bar at the restaurant, called Waldo’s, yesterday while I was munching on some fries before my walk on the beach.  Not a bad view, eh?!  I am so thankful for the sunshine, for days like yesterday.  I’m thankful for the beach and the ocean, for the way they soothe my soul when it’s aching so much.  I’m thankful for showers after days at the beach and 50 SPF that keeps my very pale skin from getting fried!  I’m thankful for The Driftwood Resort and Waldo’s Restaurant for being my home away from home and giving me a sense of peace and belonging even when I’m there all by myself.  I’m thankful for music that makes me want to sing and dance even when people look at me like I am the craziest person alive, which I often feel like!  And I am so far over ten thankfuls at this point I lost count!  Check out this awesome commercial for Waldo’s and see what you’re missing, loves!  Then call The Driftwood to make a reservation so you can feel the magic I feel every time I’m there.

https://vimeo.com/156348458%20%20%20%20%20%20%20