TToT #4

The rain is torrential outside today and, despite being indoors, that cold/wet feeling has permeated clear to my bones. 

Honestly, I’ve had a chill for at least the past week.  Double honestly, evengratitude though I have much to be thankful for, I’m not feeling thankful at all.  Great way to start a gratitude post, eh?  I’ve been dipping in and out of varying levels of depression and it’s been a rough week.  But that’s one of the reasons I am participating in Ten Things of Thankful, to work on being mindful of the good and in an effort to keep pushing the darkness out.

Spent quality time with Grams last Sunday.  She has stage four emphysema and sleeps almost constantly.  When she wakes she feels like she’s not getting enough oxygen and she panics.  So I sat with her, held her hand and told her everything was going to be ok.  I had to reassure her repeatedly that she was breathing fine and her heart rate was going back to normal.  She told me she was scared and that she hated being a burden on all of us, which broke my heart, but I just told her not to ever worry about that.

My husband and I are starting to talk about getting out of our rental and buying our first home.  As I’m sure many of you know this can be a stressful process and we are at the very beginning of it.  I spoke with a mortgage lender on Wednesday and found out that we are ‘completely qualified’ for a home loan when the time comes!  I was not expecting that response so I’m thankful for one less thing to worry about.

We have been living with a washing machine that, on the spin cycle, sounds like an airplane is taking off inside our house.  It’s been like that for so long I can’t even give you a time frame.  Not only that but if you don’t immediately put the clothes in the dryer once the wash is finished the clothes smell like mildew, no matter how you try to clean the damn machine.  Finally, it was deemed broken beyond repair!  Mind you, these were stackables that fit in a tiny closet so the replacement machines had to fit in the same space.  While they are not top quality, nor are they brand new, and they are still stackables, they are so much nicer than what we had!

The last week or two the weather here has been chillier than we’re used to in Florida.  Nothing drastic of course, it is Florida after all but nonetheless.  I have been waking up in the wee hours of the morning freezing cold, literally shivering under the covers and practically crawling under my husband for his body heat.  I get up for work earlier than him every day, but this Thursday he got up extra early to take his dad to a doctor’s appointment.  When I woke up I was warm and realized he had covered me with an extra blanket ❤

Work has been going quite well, I even gave a short presentation this week, which was a first at this job.  The first week in December I had a meetinggratitude with my supervisor and she came down on me hard, saying I was behind the learning curve she expected of me when she hired me.  At that point I hadn’t been there 90 days yet, I’m working in a field I have no prior experience in which they knew upon hiring me, and there was no time set aside for training.  I agreed to come in an hour early twice a week for training and I have been working my ass off, not that I hadn’t been before the meeting, but now my supervisor seems pleased with my work.  I still have a lot more to learn but getting positive feedback feels great.

I should really include this in every gratitude post because it’s true every week, but nonetheless, I am so very grateful to have Lizzi in my life.  No matter what is going on in her day she always checks in with me, just to say hi and see how I’m doing.  She knows I’ve been feeling disconnected, that I’m struggling with my depression and my writing, and she knows I am lonely.  Other people know those things too, but Lizzi is the only one who reaches out to me consistently.  It means the world to me.  There are a hundred other wonderful things I could say about Lizzi, but I’ll save that for a tribute post 🙂

My next thankful was on last week’s list and it is an odd thing to be grateful for two weeks in a row, but it’s kind of a funny story.  My umbrella saved me from getting soaked today, which in turn saved me from being even colder in my sub-zero office, which could have gotten me sick.  Last week I needed a thankful that started with the letter ‘U’ and umbrella was the only word that worked for me.  Ok so it’s not that funny of a story, but you must admit umbrella is a strange thankful to have two weeks in a row!

My mom gave me Panera gift cards for Christmas because she knows I like the food and I generally don’t buy it for myself as it can be a bit pricey.  Two days this week I stopped on my way to work and treated myself to a chai latte and a pastry, and they were delish.  Thankful for mamas that know just what their grown-up daughters need.

Sometimes after a long day or an emotional day or a long emotional day, the best thing ever is mind-numbing television.  Your brain is boycotting any real thinking, but it can follow the characters and dialogue enough to keep you entertained and satisfied.  Brilliant really, but, even more, thankful for Netflix with no commercials!!!  We ditched cable ages ago and never looked back, we save a ton of money and I actually get giddy thinking about the fact that we don’t have to watch commercials!

Finally, pardon my language, but thank fucking goodness it’s the weekend.




37 thoughts on “TToT #4

  1. Language so very excused…these are BRILLIANT, WONDERFUL THANKFULS! Ohmigosh, you said I’d like it, and I’m sat here GRINNING MY HEAD OFF at all the lovely things I’ve just read. Supervisor happy. New washer and drier. Gram doing well. Happy chai latte and pastry.


    And as for friendship, my dear, I think we both feel as lucky as each other 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Ah, it’s the War of the Frists.

    What a great list. I will excuse your language. Absolutely. It’s nothing I wouldn’t do/say.
    Awww, a husband to warm you up or a blanket he places over you when he leaves. What a lovely thing to have in life. Definitely worth a few thankfuls.
    Exciting news about looking into buying a house. It was a stressful process, from all I still remember of that time, but a fun new adventure to have as well. Hope you are successful in that.
    Yay for the weekend. Enjoy yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for excusing my language 😉 First time home searching has me über stressed lol and all we’ve done is talk to a lender who gave us good news! Money stresses me out, and the thought of packing, but I’m so far ahead of myself! Thank you for stopping by and commenting, hope you enjoy your weekend as well!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I haven’t decided now which is more fun, the post or the comments today. Lizzi is (you are) a treasure. And, with as much rain for days on end we’ve been having up here in North Carolina, I sympathize with your weather there and the invention of the umbrella. Good luck with house hunting and getting up to speed on the new job. All in all, a delightful list.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think the comments might win the fun war on this one lol they had me cracking up last night! I’m so glad you enjoyed my list 😊 thank you for the well wishes, they will be needed!!! Have a great weekend!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. enjoyed reading your Post.
    a chill, particularly one brought on by damp cold is awful…. I try to remind myself that my ancestors spent theirwinters wearing nothing but the family pet, but it doesn’t always help.
    (from the Wakefield Doctrine’s tips on dealing with work authority figures: if the person you mention started the conversation on a friendly, easy going conversation and then ‘blind sided’ you with the expectations thing, you’re probably dealing with a roger…. not the most encouraging outlook, but workable.
    …as to not feeling thankful, while I applaud your perseverance, to good effect, know that if you ever come upon a Friday were you are totally not feeling it, the TToT has something that none of the other gratitude blogs have…. hypo-gratitude.*
    good to see you here….

    *not to be confused with being negative… hypo-gratitude is to acknowledge having negative feelings towards a thing, event or person and writing about it. The Book of Secret Rules (aka the Secret Book of Rules) totally has you covered!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Good point about our ancestors. I can’t even imagine winters way back when. As far as the work thing goes, I was kind of blind sided, but I think I handled the situation well and hopefully it will be (mostly) smooth sailing from here. I am glad to know about hypo-gratitude, I appreciate the tip! I am definitely feeling the love from everybody in the TToT and that is something I am thankful for.


  5. I’m with you with the reason in participating in TToT. I got so close on giving up last Thursday for some aspects in my life, parenting, particularly, is so painful. I find that prayers, meditation, and good friends including online are helpful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I can only wish you the best and send you hugs in the parenting department as I don’t have little humans of my own. My fur-babies have me stressed to capacity so I can’t even imagine! I will keep you in my thoughts ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Language pardoned, even endorsed. 🙂 Sounds like most things are going swimmingly this week! I am sorry to hear about your grams though. It must be awful to see her that ill.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, treasure those moments. My dad died suddenly at age 70 (heart attack) and while I am glad he didn’t have a long-drawn-out illness, I would give anything for one more day with him.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Oh man, so sorry to hear… I truly can’t imagine losing either of my parents yet (or ever, honestly). But I agree that quick and painless beats long and drawn out. Ugh, death sucks, I do not handle it well.

          Liked by 1 person

          • He died in the exact way he wanted to – quickly, and on the golf course. I am pleased for him that he got the exit he wanted. But my world is less without him in it, and nearly two years later it still feels like it happened yesterday.

            Liked by 1 person

  7. I seem to be there right with you. I know I have tons of things to be thankful for, but after dealing with my elderly parents, problems that have arisen all week, and a table full of bills, I am having trouble being cheerful or thankful. I think back to years of being blindly happy, and wonder how I get back to that. I am glad to hear from you, and glad you have Lizzy there for you. And yes, I do feel like some mind numbing tv or facebook or anything to distract me from all this stuff. So for now, I am making lists of things to do next week. But I could certainly use a support team.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I think you could be my fav of the week…very real list… damn the house thing is sooooo stressful…. without an innate level of organic depression… believe me… I get it… yeesh… love the husband who is nurturing and protective… miss those days….Best to your Gram… those burdensome feelings just break my heart…


  9. So sorry about your Grams. It is good that you can be there to help calm her. That has to be scary for her. What a sweet husband to cover you with another blanket when he had to leave early. I know that experience of feeling cold that seems to permeate to the bones. Good luck with your job. You are putting in the extra effort and it sounds like that is working and making an impression with your supervisor. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Well my in laws escape our horrid Canadian winter and live in Florida until May — so you saying that it’s chilly puts a smile on my face.
    Why, because my mother in law has a mullet.
    A curly one.
    Sit with that image for a while.
    I think it’s great that, despite feeling that black dog of depression sitting on your chest, you can find good. I think that’s why this writing exercise/hoppity hop hop is so good for us. Work is hard when you aren’t well but look at you….you are getting positive feedback! Holla!
    Our dryer died last year and it sounded! Then it started to smoke. We got a new one. The old one now sits outside in our driveway and my son uses it as hockey target practice. It’s super classy 🙂
    I’m all about swearing. No offence taken.
    I hope that this week is a good one. One day at a time.
    And same goes for you too — if you ever need an ear — I’m here 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Our washing machine sounds like a plane taking off as well when it’s on spin and it makes the glasses in the pantry rattle…
    I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling, I know my wife had a hard week depression/anxiety wise and it sucks. Yay on the positive feedback from work though.
    Remember you are not alone in this! And you are loved!
    ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Oh that chill that won’t leave? Awful. So yes anything to chase that away is great.
    The house process…not to be a downer but yeah it’s so stressful. When we bought our current house it was our first and we got kind of railroaded into it, completely unaware of what we were getting ourselves into. Now? Kind of wonder if we’ll ever be motivated to do it again because now that we do know? Ugh. I wish you all the luck and very little stress!
    Hope your week’s been good…soon time for another round of TToT!

    Liked by 1 person

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