The rain is torrential outside today and, despite being indoors, that cold/wet feeling has permeated clear to my bones.
Honestly, I’ve had a chill for at least the past week. Double honestly, even though I have much to be thankful for, I’m not feeling thankful at all. Great way to start a gratitude post, eh? I’ve been dipping in and out of varying levels of depression and it’s been a rough week. But that’s one of the reasons I am participating in Ten Things of Thankful, to work on being mindful of the good and in an effort to keep pushing the darkness out.
Spent quality time with Grams last Sunday. She has stage four emphysema and sleeps almost constantly. When she wakes she feels like she’s not getting enough oxygen and she panics. So I sat with her, held her hand and told her everything was going to be ok. I had to reassure her repeatedly that she was breathing fine and her heart rate was going back to normal. She told me she was scared and that she hated being a burden on all of us, which broke my heart, but I just told her not to ever worry about that.
My husband and I are starting to talk about getting out of our rental and buying our first home. As I’m sure many of you know this can be a stressful process and we are at the very beginning of it. I spoke with a mortgage lender on Wednesday and found out that we are ‘completely qualified’ for a home loan when the time comes! I was not expecting that response so I’m thankful for one less thing to worry about.
We have been living with a washing machine that, on the spin cycle, sounds like an airplane is taking off inside our house. It’s been like that for so long I can’t even give you a time frame. Not only that but if you don’t immediately put the clothes in the dryer once the wash is finished the clothes smell like mildew, no matter how you try to clean the damn machine. Finally, it was deemed broken beyond repair! Mind you, these were stackables that fit in a tiny closet so the replacement machines had to fit in the same space. While they are not top quality, nor are they brand new, and they are still stackables, they are so much nicer than what we had!
The last week or two the weather here has been chillier than we’re used to in Florida. Nothing drastic of course, it is Florida after all but nonetheless. I have been waking up in the wee hours of the morning freezing cold, literally shivering under the covers and practically crawling under my husband for his body heat. I get up for work earlier than him every day, but this Thursday he got up extra early to take his dad to a doctor’s appointment. When I woke up I was warm and realized he had covered me with an extra blanket ❤
Work has been going quite well, I even gave a short presentation this week, which was a first at this job. The first week in December I had a meeting with my supervisor and she came down on me hard, saying I was behind the learning curve she expected of me when she hired me. At that point I hadn’t been there 90 days yet, I’m working in a field I have no prior experience in which they knew upon hiring me, and there was no time set aside for training. I agreed to come in an hour early twice a week for training and I have been working my ass off, not that I hadn’t been before the meeting, but now my supervisor seems pleased with my work. I still have a lot more to learn but getting positive feedback feels great.
I should really include this in every gratitude post because it’s true every week, but nonetheless, I am so very grateful to have Lizzi in my life. No matter what is going on in her day she always checks in with me, just to say hi and see how I’m doing. She knows I’ve been feeling disconnected, that I’m struggling with my depression and my writing, and she knows I am lonely. Other people know those things too, but Lizzi is the only one who reaches out to me consistently. It means the world to me. There are a hundred other wonderful things I could say about Lizzi, but I’ll save that for a tribute post 🙂
My next thankful was on last week’s list and it is an odd thing to be grateful for two weeks in a row, but it’s kind of a funny story. My umbrella saved me from getting soaked today, which in turn saved me from being even colder in my sub-zero office, which could have gotten me sick. Last week I needed a thankful that started with the letter ‘U’ and umbrella was the only word that worked for me. Ok so it’s not that funny of a story, but you must admit umbrella is a strange thankful to have two weeks in a row!
My mom gave me Panera gift cards for Christmas because she knows I like the food and I generally don’t buy it for myself as it can be a bit pricey. Two days this week I stopped on my way to work and treated myself to a chai latte and a pastry, and they were delish. Thankful for mamas that know just what their grown-up daughters need.
Sometimes after a long day or an emotional day or a long emotional day, the best thing ever is mind-numbing television. Your brain is boycotting any real thinking, but it can follow the characters and dialogue enough to keep you entertained and satisfied. Brilliant really, but, even more, thankful for Netflix with no commercials!!! We ditched cable ages ago and never looked back, we save a ton of money and I actually get giddy thinking about the fact that we don’t have to watch commercials!
Finally, pardon my language, but thank fucking goodness it’s the weekend.